The relationship between parents and children is one of the strongest and most complex bonds a person can experience in life. It’s a topic that carries infinite love, but also many layers of expectations, misunderstandings, and unconscious wounds. One of the most widespread myths that persists in our culture is the idea that a child owes a debt to their parents – that they “owe something” simply because they were brought into the world. This myth may sound harmless, yet in reality, it has a deep psychological and spiritual impact on how we experience our own lives.
A Spiritual Perspective: Why We Are Born Where We Are Born
Many spiritual traditions teach that the soul chooses its parents. Not to gain something from them, but to experience the lessons necessary for its growth. These may be experiences of love, acceptance, and safety – or challenging situations connected to karmic ties.
However, this does not change the basic truth: the decision to bring a child into the world is made by the parent – consciously or unconsciously. A child never asked to be born. It came because two people decided – out of love, desire for fulfillment, mistake, curiosity, or social pressure. Therefore, we cannot speak of a “debt” owed by the child to the parents.
The Psychological Dimension: What Creates the Feeling of Debt
When a parent says, “I sacrificed myself for you, now it’s your turn,” it’s not an expression of love, but a form of emotional manipulation. A child who hears this often carries a deep sense of guilt into adulthood. They feel they will never be good enough, that they must constantly prove their worth to deserve love.
Imagine a girl who decides to go study in another city. She has dreamed about it for years. And at that moment, she hears her mother say, “I raised you all these years, and now you’re going to leave me alone?” That sentence doesn’t carry love – it carries guilt. The child leaves not with joy that her dream is coming true, but with the heavy feeling that she owes something.
It’s important to understand the parents, too. Most of them don’t do this out of malice, but because they themselves experienced similar pressure in childhood. Generations before us grew up in environments where obedience and duty toward one’s parents were core values. In many families, the belief “Parents know best, children obey” was the norm. Economically, it also made sense – children were seen as future security for their aging parents. This pattern was passed down through generations, and so parents often unconsciously repeat the model they once lived through.
However, such a model leads children to:
- struggle to set healthy boundaries,
- feel responsible for others’ happiness,
- suffer from chronic anxiety and low self-esteem,
- repeat self-sacrificing patterns in romantic relationships.
For example, a son stays in a marriage that hasn’t worked for years. Deep down, he longs for change, but he keeps hearing his father’s words: “A man never leaves his family – that would kill me.” This invisible chain keeps him bound to a life that isn’t truly his own, preventing him from peacefully closing a chapter that, while valuable, was meant to be a lesson rather than a lifelong sentence.
Many adults today live lives that are not truly their own – choosing careers their parents wanted, staying in marriages “so the family won’t be disappointed,” or suppressing their dreams out of fear of “betraying” their mother or father. This is the price society pays for the myth of parental debt.
Unconditional Love: The Parent’s True Commitment
The commitment lies not on the child’s side, but the parent’s. A parent’s role is to love unconditionally, protect, care for, and guide. Not because the child obeys, earns good grades, or fulfills the parent’s dreams – but simply because the child exists.
When a child is loved freely and accepted as they are, reciprocal love naturally arises in their heart. Such a child returns to their parents willingly – not out of fear, but from love. They care, support, and give not because they have to, but because they want to. Love that is not transactional always comes back.
What an Unhealthy vs. Healthy Model Looks Like
- Unhealthy model: “If you don’t leave me, if you obey me, if you help me – then I’ll love you.”
Imagine a daughter who decides to spend a year abroad. Her eyes sparkle – she’s finally fulfilling her dream. But when she tells her family, she hears: “If you go, you’ll never see me again. After all I’ve done for you, you’d leave me here alone?”
The daughter leaves, but not freely – she carries a suitcase full of guilt and fear that she has betrayed her mother.
- Healthy model: “I love you no matter what you decide. My love is here even when you don’t meet my expectations.”
Another daughter makes the same decision. Her mother may feel afraid of being alone, but she says: “I love you and I support you. I know this is your path, and I want you to live it fully. I will always be here for you.”
The daughter leaves with a sense of stability and safety at home – and because of that, she happily returns, not out of fear, but out of love.
Children raised in a healthy model grow up feeling free and naturally kind-hearted. Children raised in an unhealthy model often struggle with fear and inner conflict – and paradoxically, instead of joy in their relationship with their parents, they feel relief when they are far away from them.
The Social Dimension: Why This Myth Persists
The belief that a child owes obedience and care to their parents is deeply rooted in many cultures. In Slovakia, the Czech Republic, and many other places, it’s still common to hear: “A good child takes care of their parents” or “A child should give back what they’ve received.” This model is built on a hierarchy of power, not on mutual respect.
If we, as a society, want to move toward more conscious relationships, we must release these old patterns. A parent is not the owner of a child and a child is not an investment that must automatically pay off, nor a future pension or guarantee of care. A family should be a space where we learn love, trust, and freedom – not a factory that produces guilt.
Energetic Consequences: When Love Binds or Liberates
From an energetic perspective, emotional manipulation works like a chain. A parent who manipulates binds the child to them through lower vibrations – guilt, fear, and shame. This “energetic debt” often passes from generation to generation until someone consciously decides to break it.
Unconditional love, on the other hand, opens the heart’s energy. Relationships stop being a struggle for control and become a space of freedom. A parent who loves without conditions loses nothing – in fact, they gain love back in its purest form.
What This Means for Parents
If you’re a parent, remember: your child owes you nothing. Your role was never to own your child, but to show them what love without conditions looks like. Your child is not a reflection of your unfulfilled dreams. They are an independent being who deserves freedom and trust.
What This Means for Children
If you’re a son or a daughter, know this: your life belongs to you. Gratitude is beautiful, but it should never be a chain. Help your parents when it comes from the heart. Say no when you feel manipulation. And remember – the greatest gift you can give loving parents is to live your own life fully.
Practical Steps Toward a Conscious Life
- Be grateful, but not submissive. Gratitude toward your parents is natural, but it doesn’t mean blind obedience to unhealthy expectations.
- Help from the heart, not from fear. Your “yes” only has value when it is free.
- Stop the karma of manipulation. If your family carries a pattern of emotional sacrifice, it’s up to you to decide not to pass it on.
- Learn to say no. A loving refusal is just as valuable as loving acceptance.
- Remind yourself of your freedom. Your soul came here to live its own story – not to repeat your parents’ script.
Love is not a loan or a transaction. It is an energy that flows where there is freedom and genuine consent.
Your Zion
www.soulsister.sk
